Where was God? or Where were you?

Where was God??? 

You always hear that question asked after a tragedy; after a child dies senselessly.  When people suffer, they ask.  When animals are tortured, people inquire.  It isn’t always asked by the non-believer’s with their sarcastic, “see God doesn’t exist” tone, but frequently by those who have spent their life believing.  I was one of those people once.  I have asked that heart wrenching question so many times.  I asked it when a classmate was killed by a drunk driver.  I asked it when my friend drown the day before my graduation from high school.  I asked it when another classmate passed after her long battle with leukemia.   

Where was God? Why did God let that happen?

I gave up on asking that question because it was never answered.  Attending Mass didn’t answer it for me.  Prayers didn’t heal me.  God was elusive.  I tossed that bible so far from my reach that I didn’t know where it had landed. 

But.

Somehow.

Someway.

I

Figured

It

Out

And

Yesterday, I did not ask where God was.  I did not need to.  I saw him everywhere after those explosions.  He was wearing a cowboy hat and tending to the wounded.  She was pushing a wheelchair.  He drew his weapon.  He tended to a fallen runner.  He gave blood.  She hugged her friend.   God was there with courage as he looked in trash barrels for more bombs.  God was there with quick thinking in tying tourniquets, feeding people, offering them places to sleep and setting up phone lines to call loved ones.  We were praying and channeling energy our to the cause and God was everywhere he was able to be.  God is the light that shines through us.  If you want to see God, then be God.  He is the good in the face of evil - but he works his magic through us.  We are "God" and we are here to be the good that we want to see in the the world.  

The answer to, "Where was God?" is  "Where were you?" 

Evil will always try to wiggle its way in, but Good will smother it out. Thank God for Good <3

What is Tough Mudder???

This is my recap from Tough Mudder 2012.  I am currently gearing up for Tough Mudder 2013...only 6 weeks left for training and fundraising.  If you don't know what it's about, read on and you'll know what we'll be doing.  Tough Mudder supports The Wounded Warrior Project.  Please consider making a donation.

https://register.toughmudder.com/fundraising/donate.aspx?event=13389&fundraiser=r5777945


I’m still grinning ear to ear from the most amazing experience, Tough Mudder 2012!!!   About eight months ago, Derek and I stumbled across The Tough Mudder and we agreed, "we should totally do this."   The details are blurry, but in no time, most likely under the influence of wine and endorphins, “No Use for a Name” was born.  We recruited our friends to join us, because nothing says friendship more than bear crawling in the mud under barbed wire.

We trained together and on our own.  Tough Mudder Boot Camp on a Sunday morning takes a special kind of dedication and commitment.  Eventually, foregoing drinks on Saturday night so that  I could have a good workout became a “thing.”  I also started to skip the unwinding-wine on Fridays after a long work week so that I could run faster and further on Saturday mornings.  Those runs were coveted and enjoyed for both the peace and quiet they offered and the confidence building they gave me.  Just the thought of running two miles last year would have made me cringe, but before you knew it, I was running six miles like it was nothing.  I started a pull-up program at home with the Iron Gym.  I took up Zumba…don’t laugh, it’s good for your agility!!!  I also faithfully made it to my Tuesday night Boot Camp and hit the gym when I could on my lunch break.

Each morning my phone would gently remind me how important these workouts were with the countdown app calling out how many days left until Tough Mudder.  I remember when it finally went under 100 days and suddenly there were only months, weeks, and soon just mere days before it was here.  The next thing I knew we were packed up and on the road with my fellow teammates. 
The strangest thing was that for days I had butterflies in my stomach, but suddenly they were gone as we arrived at Mt. Snow.  We piled out of the van, into the big bus and arrived at registration where we picked up our packets, pinned on our numbers, wrapped our wrists with colored bands and had our number written on our forehead in permanent marker…”so they could identify our bodies” we were later told by the MC.   Bladders emptied, bags checked, and the last pre-mudder photo taken.  All we had to do now was climb the entry Berlin Wall that read, “NO QUIT IN HERE”!!!  Woo Hoo!!! Aaron and Ben gave the ole “ten-finger” lift for me, Kelly and Tina and then they went over.  Last but not least Derek was up and over on his own.  I really wished I hadn’t just dropped straight down or wished that I had at least just bent my knees when I landed...my back was instantly killing me!!!  I didn’t say a word because how embarrassing would that have been!!!  “Hey, I know we haven’t even started the course, but my back is wrecked and I’m gonna sit this out!”  I decided to suck it up and stretch it out as best I could.

Soon the MC started amping us up for the course.  To say the he was amazing is an understatement!   His energy was contagious and soon we were chanting on cue, I say, “tough,” you say “mudder”… TOUGH MUDDER, TOUGH MUDDER, TOUGH MUDDER!!!  I say, “wounded,” you say “warrior”…WOUNED WARRIOR, WOUNED WARRIOR, WOUNED WARRIOR!!!   I say, “team,” you say, “pride”…TEAM PRIDE, TEAM PRIDE, TEAM PRIDE!!!   The next thing that I can remember is our National Anthem playing for us and we’re off up the first of many hills!  I had the advice of a veteran mudder in my head who told me too take it slow.  Dan wrote, “Don't get caught up in all the hype at the beginning. When the race starts, all that adrenaline is flowing and people are yelling and screaming and lots of people will charge out of the gates. You'll feel caught up in it. You'll feel pressure as people pass you. You'll feel all that energy and excitement making you want to charge too. Don't. It's a long race, and the toughest thing is reigning yourself in during those first few miles so you don't blow out all your energy. Pace yourself, remind yourself to go slow, and you'll be passing those people by miles 5 and 6. Once you get past mile 7 you start feeling drained. So save as much energy as you can for the second half of the course."
The Brave Heart Charge!!! 
It was hard to watch the charge and not go running off too, but I knew it was going to be a long day and I wanted to conserve my energy.  It really didn’t take long for my legs to start burning; it almost seemed as if all of my running and hill training had not even made a dent in what was going to be needed to complete all of what Tough Mudder was going to throw at us.  All that burning soon subsided and my heart sank with dread as we caught sight of what our first obstacle would be.


Arctic Enema!!!
As we rounded the corner and saw the sign, I will say I was disappointed that there wasn’t a line to wait in.  There was no dilly dallying to be had here, just a woman and a megaphone shouting for us to jump into the icy water at the foot of those 40 yard dumpsters.  It all happened pretty quickly.  I saw Tina & Kelly jump right in.  Then Aaron and I took the plunge.  It’s funny, in all of the photos I had browsed through with of all of the horrified faces I had seen, nothing and I mean nothing, can prepare you for what happens next.   You are up to you chest in icy water, your throat is closing up; it felt like someone pulled a zip-tie tightly around my airway.  Gasping for air, you’re in the water and the only way out is to dive under the water in order to pass the divider and swim to the other side – the only way out!  And without even thinking you are under water.  It is amazing what the mind and body will do without you even giving it the go ahead!  And I thought I was in pain when I first jumped in, I was wrong, it just doubled.  Just imagine the worst asthma attack you have ever had times a million!!!  The good news is that as soon as you climb out of this, you can feel your air way open back up and soon it’s as if it never happened.  And better yet, you are so freaking cold that the next obstacle is a welcome sight!

Death March!!!
The Death March greets you with snow guns.  Yup, you can run snow guns in the spring, it doesn’t need to be 32 degrees or below for them to work.  You’d think this would suck, marching with snow being blown at you, but honestly, those snow flakes falling on my skin felt like sweet butterfly kisses.  Yup, I was that cold from the Arctic Enema.  I can’t remember how long we hiked up the mountain for, but I know that I wasn’t cold for long.  It did seem like forever that we were marching.  You get to the point where you are looking forward to an obstacle.  Who would have thought that climbing on your hand and knees under barbed wire through mud and rocks would be a welcome break? 

Kiss of Mud!!!
“Well, Hello there my muddy darling,” I thought. And soon enough I’m bear crawling through the mud under barbed wired.  There may have been some electrified wires too, but I’m not quite sure.  The event called for three electrified obstacles and we figured this must have been one of them, since only two others stood out.  I kept my knees off the ground as long as I could, but towards the second half my feet would slip a bit and my knees would inevitably smack the ground.  I was OK with that, since it seemed like a good trade off for cutting my back open on barbed wire.   We are now officially very muddy and headed back up the mountain; let me tell you, they made good use of the terrain!!!

Devil’s Beard!!!
When we came around the corner and saw the bright orange cargo net lying on the ground we were psyched!  A nice easy obstacle was just what we needed to break up all of the hard work.  All we needed do was stick together and keep it up off the ground and we were through.  A lone red bandanna called out for help though and when Aaron went back to get it that proved to be twice as hard as making it through the first time.  I know Tina didn’t care if she got that thing back, but I kinda liked it since it made it easier to spot her!

Trench Warfare!!!
This was the first one that was going to test my mental grit.  I’m not a big fan of small spaces, let alone dark, small spaces that you must crawl through.  The huge rocks were a nice touch, my pelvis thanks, not really!  I loved crawling out of this one and into the mud a bit too much.  It might have been the loud music or just the feeling of accomplishment, but I kicked that mud up in the air…I am sorry to the mudders’ face that it landed on, oops: (

Berlin Walls #1!!!
A little more hiking and voila, Berlin Walls!!!  We used the same great strategy that we used to enter the course. A big “Thank You” goes out to Aaron and Ben, who gave each of us a ten-finger boost so we could reach the top of the wall.  And, even more thanks to thinking it through to the point that you hoisted Derek first.  A) He wasn’t left behind and B) He was on the other side to help lower us down.  It was the perfect Triple Threat of Muscle Power!!!

Hold Your Wood!!!
Here was another obstacle that wasn’t all that bad.  There were plenty of logs.  No one was stuck with a gigantic one unless that’s what they were going for.  We trekked down the slope and back up the other side.  The only thing that made me nervous was the feeling that someone who was up hill would wipe out and take me down with them.  Actually, I had that nagging fear on most of the descents, especially on the slippery ones.  It must have had something to do with that fact that years ago, I was taken out by an out of control skier.  Just couldn’t shake that feeling, eek.

Bale Bonds!!!
Have you ever seen those ridiculously huge round bales of hay?  Stack ‘em three high and you’ve got the Bale Bond obstacle.  I needed a little lift to get started up this one.  Damn you short legs!!!  Otherwise, it wasn’t so bad.  I pretty much just slid down the other side.

Electric Eel!!!
I was definitely feeling anxious about this one.  I think I had read one too many comments on the Tough Mudder page about people passing out from the shock and such.  Note to self: Don’t believe everything you read.  I am either super lucky or immune to being shocked.   I flew right through this thing.  It was like a slip and slide, well not exactly.  There were rocks and muddy water; warm muddy water.  OK, let’s not thing about why the water was warm.  My point is this Electric Eel wasn’t nearly as terrible as I had expected it to be.

Dong Dangler!!!
In past events I have seen this with an upper and lower rope that you walk across and it was named the Ball Shrinker…because of the colder water that you inevitably ended up in, of course!  It's not a good obstacle if you don't end up in cold water.  I think the Dong Dangler had the same idea in mind except that there was just the one rope which was had a rubber type covering on it.  It was placed nice and high and I would say that 90% of the Mudders needed help getting up there.  There was a bit of a wait for this one, but it moved quickly enough.  I nearly fell in trying to help Tina up…as much as I wanted to be a helper, most times “helping” was just staying out of the way, LOL.  After Tina, it was my turn.  Hands grip the rope first and then your feet come up to wrap around the rope as well…then it's time to hold on tight and pull yourself along.  I came up alongside one of the lifeguards in a kayak and asked if I was halfway.  "1/3 of the way," he said,  "Ugh," I replied.  My arms were starting to burn, but I kept pulling until I was pretty much in the water and just let my legs down and continued to pull until I could touch the bottom and walk out.  Soaking wet again, we head off for the next obstacle!

Cliffhanger!!!
I'm not sure this is even the next one to be honest…this is the order Tough Mudder listed on the event schedule, but I feel like the order is off somehow?  No matter, I'll just keep on rambling on.  This.One.Sucked!!! There, The Mudder is finally getting to me a bit!!!  The Cliffhanger was not hanging off a cliff, which I may have actually enjoyed.  No, this was pretty much scaling up a grassy cliff that was so vertical you didn't have to lean over very far to grab the slope!  My fear of slipping and rolling crazily out of control while knocking fellow mudders down like candle pins was definitely a concern of mine!!!  Not for Derek though, apparently he was just cruising right up the slope up right.  Ben said, "Derek, you're an animal!"  I guess the looks people were giving as he sauntered right past showed their amazement.   OK, so props to my husband for making it look so darn easy! 

Boa Constrictors!!!
As with the other tunnels, I was surprised that these definitely weren't as bad as I had imagined.  These are large, black conduits, submerged halfway in water that you have to crawl through.  The first one I practically swam through because there was also a slight decline.  The second one had the bottom cut out and you had to move upwards which was a little trickier.  At about the halfway point, I turned onto my side and pushed with my feet and pulled with my arms and I was out.  Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy, I think Tina would have called it.

Tired Yet!!!
Tired Yet, I saw the sign that read "tired yet" but honestly, I didn't realize it was an obstacle.  I just figured it was more of the Mudder's sense of humor, like with their other signs:  "If you did the Warrior Dash you'd be down by now."   "Remember you signed a death waiver," "Quit whining and start running"…well you get the idea.  So whatever this one was, I'm pretty sure I have no idea except that it led to my most dreaded obstacle.   Heights and jumping off a perfectly good platform, eek!!!

Walk the Plank!!!
Knots filled my stomach, lots of them.  Here was another obstacle that I would've loved there to be a wait for, but you know Murphy and his law.  Not gonna happen.  And so much for a pep talk from my husband, I was looking around frantically for him, poked my head around the side of the Plank thing-a-mo-bob and saw him swimming into shore.  I also saw a girl walk past me, all dry.  She wasn't skipping this one because of safety reasons; like not being able to swim.  I saw her climb down from the platform because she had second thoughts.   Gulp.  Up I went; hand over hand on the rope & up the ramp.  I could barely make it onto the platform because there were a few more mudders hemming and hawing about jumping.   Somehow or another I ended up in front of them.  I stepped forward.  I stepped back.  The sweet girl staffing the obstacle said, "C'mon, you can do it, just jump."  The next thing I knew I was in the water, going down and down, was I gonna hit the bottom?  Was I going to be able to kick myself back up to the surface?  Gasp. Air. Sunlight.  I made it, now just a about 12 feet or so to swim and I'm out.   Can I just say, that as a kid, I used to jump of the pier at Grape Island over and over and over again and it was probably twice as high as Walk the Plank.  Courage sure does dwindle as you age : (

Underwater Tunnels!!!
I'm not sure if I would call these "underwater tunnels".  It was more like logs over water that you had to go under, lol.  The water was muddy - surprise!  I kept to the left hand side where there seemed to be more room between the logs and the water.  I was able to almost hug the log as I moved under it, so my face never went under water.  I think that was a real eye saver!  Lots of muddy faces, lots of dirt in eyes, I was glad not to be one of them!

Glacier!!!
I was so not happy to see the Glacier and I'll tell you why…because just past it was The Funky Monkey, the one obstacle that I had been looking forward to.  It was already breaking my heart that it was towards the last quarter of the course, but now I was also going to have numb hands.  Well played, Tough Mudder, well played!!!   Whatever, NO QUIT IN HERE, I think I read that somewhere along the course.   Up the Glacier I went.  Across the Glacier I went.  And down the Glacier I went.  My hands were fah- REE- zing!!!!!   I pulled the old "Super Star" move and tucked them up under my arms and a kept on moving!

Funky Monkey!!!

Ole Murphy struck again…no wait for this obstacle.  No time to warm up.  Just time enough to listen to one staff person tell us that she had already seen about three broken ankles on women who fell.  She continued to explain that the water was not very deep below the first few rungs.   "If you feel yourself falling, remember to tuck.  You don't want to be in a cast all summer, do you?" she asked.  I was listening and freakin' out.  I was also still trying to figure out if I wanted to wear my gloves or not.  Gloves or no gloves?  "Plop!" Did I just see Aaron fall in?  No gloves, yup, definitely no gloves.  "Splash!"  Derek, Derek fell in?  WTF?  I remember turning to Tina and saying, "I think that lady is f#*@ing with us!!!"  "She is in my head!!!"  During all of this Ben made it across and was shouting that once you get past the first few it's fine…or something to that effect.   There may have been a "nod" too, like "go for it!"  Who knows?  We did train together on Sunday mornings.  He had seen me on the monkey bars quite a few times.  I was drying my hands by rubbing them in circles on the plywood face of the obstacle and the next  thing I know I was saying, “excuse me,” to someone who hadn't quite made up his mind.  I was on The Funky Monkey!!!!  Just like at Lighthouse Fitness, I went one rung at a time. Left hand, right hand, next rung.  Left hand, right hand, next rung.  I could hear cheering.  I could see Derek's face.  I'm pretty sure I shouted out "F@&$ Yeah" at the half way point.  Left hand, right hand, next rung.  Left hand, right hand, next rung.   One of them spun when I grabbed it, but I hung on.  In just moments,  I was on the platform, hugging Derek.  Exclaiming, that I had f@&$ing done it.   I couldn't even tell you what happened the next few miles, I was just that freakin' excited.

Gauntlet!!!
So, from looking at the photos, I can surmise that the Gauntlet was walking up what would normally be the half pipe during snowboarding season.   Of course, it seemed as though they were getting a jump start on the season and preparing the pipe as we hiked up it.  The snow guns were blasting!!!  There was one in particular that was being "manned" or should I say "boy-ed" by what looked like an eight year old.  He aimed for people who looked liked they weren't cold enough…or in some cases, who were taunting him back.  I'm sorry, but when it's me vs the boy with the snow gun, I'm gonna keep my mouth shut!

Log Jammin’ !!!
There was a bit of a wait for this one.  Enough time for me to untie my triple-knotted sneaker and remove what I thought was a rock.  There was no rock.  I figured out later in must have been a wade of dirt and hay crammed into my sock.   It was a useless endeavor that I was on because I couldn't keep my foot up off the ground long enough to get it back into my sneaker.  My foot hit the ground, picked up new dirt and crap; I wiped it off with my filthy hands and tried again and again until I finally just gave up.  At least it kept me occupied until it was our turn to go.  Time to climb the life-sized Lincoln Logs!!!  Oddly enough, they were a bit trickier than they looked.   I'm guessing this is where I acquired some of the scraps on my shins.

Berlin Walls #2!!!
#2, because climbing the first set was just so much fun!!!  The second set was probably 10 feet high, who knows, anything over my head may as well be 10 feet high.  We used the same strategy as the last set.  I definitely needed Derek to lower me down.  I was much more exhausted and the walls were that much higher, way too high to drop down from.  I always knew that having a super strong and tall husband who come it handy!!!

Fire Walk!!!
I'm so glad I still had my bandanna handy!  I used it to cover my mouth and nose while I ran through the smoke to our next obstacle.

Twinkle Toes!!!
A nice wobbly 3 inch beam across water that I'm pretty sure was cold.   Awesome, not!  I wasn't really feeling this one.  I have terrible balance.  People were falling left and right.  Others were making it across.  It really depended on who was in front of or behind you.  Their wobbles would lead to your wipe out!  I planned on leaving plenty of room in between me and the previous mudder, in this case, Kelly, but the staff kept urging us to go.  So, I went.  There was wobbling, I recovered and moved as quickly as I could.  That seemed to be the trick and before you knew it, I was on dry ground.

Everest!!!
The big, bad, quarter pipe known as Everest is a team effort for sure!  There was about an hour wait.  We were all freezing as the sun was getting lower in the sky.  I was lucky enough to have a foil wrap passed back to me, although, I couldn’t really tell if it was doing anything for me.   Finally, we were at the front of the pack.  Derek raced up first, grabbed the top and was helped up.  Aaron went next and now we had out "anchors".  I went next.  I ran straight up and jumped, hands grabbed my wrists and I pulled as they pulled.   I was on the platform.  I stayed to hold Derek and Aaron's legs down as they pulled up the rest of the team, who all made it up in one try!!!  We rock!!!  A big thanks to Derek and Aaron for pulling our butts up!.  I'm telling ya though, climbing down the back side was much scarier than running up the front.   The strapping was so far apart, I was afraid of falling through for sure, that damned height thing gets me every time!!!

Electro Shock Therapy!!!
Electro Shock Therapy, whatever you want to call it, I called it the FINISH LINE!!!  I sprinted right though.  If I was shocked, I didn't feel it!  The MC was there welcoming us across, headbands were placed, snacks a plenty, t-shirts from Under Armor and a beer of course from Dos Equis!!!  We, NO USE FOR A NAME, are TOUGH MUDDERS!!!!!!


This event was amazing!!!  There was a point during the course when I said to Tina, "We don't need to do this again…one and done."  I'm pretty sure that I also broke the Tough Mudder Oath when I said, "If we have to climb back up again, I'm done, that will be it, I quit."  That would definitely qualify as whining.  "Don't Whine, kids whine!"  I don't know what happened between those moments and the finish, but I know that even though I was freezing, I was still grinning.  And that night, we all said that we'd do it again and we've already recruited two more teammates!!!

Way to go Derek, Tina, Aaron, Rob, Ben and Kelly!!!  Can't wait to do it all over again!!!

Pom-poms & Tape; Solver of Life's Little Problems.

I'm sure that not many people would see these two things and think, "Ah, ha, that's it.  That'll do the trick!"

Well, I've done it.  I've solved the stinkin' alarm clock trouble that I've been having.  Well...not entirely, I mean it still makes that annoying noise that wakes me up at 6am, but I solved the damn sleep button problem.

Now,  why anyone would actually need the sleep button is a mystery to me.  I mean, if you are going to be shutting off the alarm clock, as in suppressing that wonderful feature we call snooze, then you should be cognizant enough to reach to the side of the clock and slide the switch.  If you cannot reach the side of the alarm clock to shut the clock off,  then you have no business actually pressing the sleep button.  You, my friend, are still too sleepy and need another snooze.  Hence, the fact that there is no need for the sleep button.  The pressing of the round button on top should be reserved for shutting up the damn squawking box so that you can sleep for another 7 or 8 more minutes.  Am I right?  The trouble is that I am so sleepy and out of it {isn't that how you should feel after being asleep for 7- 8 hours?  Maybe I'm doing it wrong??} that I can't figure out which stupid circle shaped button is sleep and which one is snooze.  One is slightly larger than the other, but even if I can decipher which one is bigger, it's not like I can remember if the big one is for sleep or snooze.   I mean seriously, I can barely remember what day of the week it is, let along big button - small button symbolization!  Sheesh!

I can't even tell you how many times I've hit the sleep button instead of the glorious snooze button because I can count that high!  The extra sleep is wonderful, I won't deny that, but when I do wake up, I'm like a fireman down the pole except I don't have my clothes all neatly waiting for me, boots for my feet to jump into.  Oh, no, because it's not as if I planned to have a negative amount of time to get dressed and out the door.   It is usually a mad scramble to get ready...who says you can't brush your teeth and hair at the same time?  Of course, you need to make sure to keep the right brush is in the right place.  Toothpaste in the hair is really a mess to clean up when you're already late.

Now, I realize that I'm not going to change the alarm clock industry.  I thought about a petition to have the sleep button removed.  Maybe a March on Washington or a Facebook Campaign against the sleep button, but I'll be honest - I'm just too lazy.  So, I took matters into my own hands since I can't find the snooze button when I'm half asleep.  That's right.  I solved my own problem.   I saw the vase filled with pom-poms that Braeden sometimes takes to bed with him - Don't ask - I don't know why.  Then I grabbed a roll of tape  and taped a pom-pom to the snooze button.  Oh yeah, I did!  I'm crazy like that!

Now, if I could only limit the snooze button hitting, I might actually make it to work on time.  Baby steps people, baby steps...

If This Makes One Exhausted Mom Chuckle, It Was Worth Writing...

I'm not gonna lie, I started to hyperventilate when I saw email after email popping up on my phone.  Each one a reminder for my oldest son's upcoming baseball practices.  They are on different days.  They are at different times.  There seems to be no rhyme or reason.  How am I going to work around music lessons, Webelos, his brother's Den meetings, his brother's baseball, the rock climbing???   These were the first emails I had received since I signed him up and honestly, since Opening Day is on the 20th I figured I had a few more weeks left before this activity started.   I'm mean, who starts practice before the season even begins??? Oh, the team that's gonna be WIN does.  "Ok, phew.  Great. Ok." breathes my calender, which looks like someone vomited all over it in a crazy rainbow of highlighters.

Frick.

And now, I am just waiting on the email notifications for my other son's baseball, because you know...I made the boys too far apart for them to actually be on the same league.  Hindsight is always 20/20.

I am freaking out, I am, I really am.  I work 40 hours a week, drive an hour each way and my husband works an off shift with a workweek that runs right through the weekend.  I am not a single parent, but I feel like one sometimes.  Single moms, please don't crucify me for writing that.  I'm just saying, I've had a taste of doing it all on my own  and without the help from my mom, I would not be able to make this fly.  ...and even still, it's not flying all that well lately.

I know you see those pictures all over pinterest and facebook and blogs of pretty homes and super neat crafts and tidy organization, well, I'm here to fess up.

My house is a mess!!!  There are cobwebs, yeah, ain't nobody got time for reaching up high near the ceiling with a broom wrapped in a damp cloth to wipe away cobwebs.  Shit, I barely have time to feed the kids, drag them to the next activity and have them home to do their homework and put them to bed before 9pm just so that I can have a few minutes to myself before I put exhausted self to bed.  Yes, I have cobwebs!!!

My hair was nice and shiny and straight the other day, but not because I had spent an hour drying and smoothing it with the flat iron, but because I hadn't washed it in days!!!  That's right, I planned on going to the gym on my lunch break to workout and shower, but ended up getting slammed at work.  Yup, no shower, dirty hair, but the overtime paid for the baseball clinic the boys are doing over April vacation.

Speaking of which...

Oh, yeah, April vacation.  I can't wait for you to get here!!!  For me!!!  I need a break from the homework and the notes from teachers and the trips to the library and the after school activities.  You can't have after school activities if there is no school.  Who'm I kidding, I don't even have to deal with that crap, my poor mother does.  She brings them to Rock climbing and picks them up from Minecraft.  Yes, I paid for my kids to play Minecraft after school with their friends.  Apparently it's even more fun to join a world on the same server and kill your friends, than it is to just play at home and annoy your brother virtually!

Really there is no point to this, other than I wanted to rant and hopefully some of you are nodding along, saying, "Yup, that's a glimpse into my crazy life."  For those of you that have 3 or more kids, you are my hero!!!  For those of you that do all of this running around and have a clean house without cobwebs - I hate you!  Stop showing off!!!  Just kiddin', I'm jealous if you can do it all.  I can't and I'm exhausted from pretending that I can.

I'm pretty sure that I could write boat loads more on this subject, but I'm at work and they are actually paying me to put in some phones lines...coffee break over. 

Enjoy!!!

Why You Should Teach Your 7 Year Old To Swear...

I had a crap-tacular day at work on Friday.  My day started out with my boss calling to ream me out about something that I really think is her job.   That cloud hung drearily overhead all day.  I tried to have a pity party but no one would attend.   There was no "misery loves company" that day.  I even bumped into a very jolly-happy-to-be-janitor-fellow who should have cured me of my spoiled brat attititude, but nope.  It lingered still, like the smelll of a musty, damp, dark basement.

I stopped off at the farmer's market with the sole intention of buying chocolate chip cookies and chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting that I had every intention of devouring with red wine for dinner.  Yup, it's true, when you're a grown up you can eat and drink whatever you want.

While the boys ate their dinner, I pigged out with my mom on cupcakes as I griped to her about my day.  Apparently, I was going on and on and on about it because Garin finally spoke up and said, "Mom, I really don't want to sit and listen to you talk about your boss.  It's not nice the things you are saying that she did.  She sounds annoying."  That snapped me out of my ranting rampage.   I started to say that I was sorry and that he was right...I shouldn't be saying these things, but before I could finish that sentence, Braeden was up on his knees, brows furrowed, arms flailing as he said, "Yeah, and I don't like listening to Dad talk.  He is always saying those swears.  Bleeep this and bleeping that.   I don't like it!"

Suddenly, my mind flashed back to those 80's commercials where the Dad finds pot in his son's bedroom and asks, "Where did you get this? Where did you learn this?"  And the boy replies, "From you dad,  I learned it by watching you."  Bingo!  My brilliant idea was born!

"Tomorrow, on the way to music lessons, I think you guys should swear when you talk to Dad,"  I blurted out.  Their eyes widened.   The strange words kept streaming out of my mouth, "Yup, Braeden, why don't you say, 'Dad,  I can't wait to play my F@*%ing drums.  It's gonna be f@%&ing awesome.'"  By now their eyes were as big as the moon and their mouths were dropped open like a draw bridge in disbelief that their mother was sitting there swearing at the kitchen table with the intent of them swearing too!

So, Braeden, perched up on his knees, eyes still wide, asks me meekly if he can practice saying a swear.  I said sure, go ahead.  There was no hesitation at the choice of the word, I could tell, but hesitation there was.   Now, you'd have to know Braeden.  He is funny, quick-witted and clever.   Just last week when I told him that he was the funniest kid that I'd ever met, without even skipping a beat he pointed out - you mean made, remember mom, you made me?  Yup, you're right.  You are the funniest kid that I ever made.

Now, as much as he is funny, he is also fastidious about following the rules and routines.  I was scolded just the other day for putting his lunch bag in the wrong spot.  So, for him to say a swear, knowing dang well {as he would say} that it is against the rules, well, it went against the very fiber of his being.   And yet, he pressed his top teeth into his bottom lip with great precision and out came the FFfffffffff.u.c.k.

As this was happening, I was instantly regretful that I was sitting at my kitchen table teaching my seven year old how to swear and that I didn't record it!  It was by far the most hilarious thing that I had ever witnessed.   That word being pushed out of his mouth and the bewilderment on his face as his ears heard the word was too much.

I'm sure you've figured how by now that my parenting style is, umm, let's say - unconventional.  I'm a "off the cuff", "fly by the seat of your pants" type of person.  I think things through as I'm doing them.   Fortunately, light did shine on marblehead and I added a footnote to what was going on.   I made sure to tell them that this was a "one-time" pass for swearing tomorrow just to make a point with Dad.    That was that.

After sleeping on it, I thought maybe it wasn't my most glorious parenting moment. So, I didn't bring it up to the boys.  I just put kisses on their heads and went off to work.  Of course, when the hour crept near for music lessons, I couldn't help but wonder...and wish that I was a fly on the wall for that ride.

Eleven o'clock came and went.  No call.  No text from Derek.  Hmm, they must have chickened out?  I finally received a text, but no mention of anything odd.  I replied and asked if the boys had said anything interesting on the way to lessons???   Derek said that they didn't and asked why I was asking...apparently my mother just texted him the same question.    After explaining the plan for Braeden to "teach him a lesson" he said that B did try to say something, but was laughing too hard for him to understand what was going on.  <-----this was Derek's version of the story.    Thumbs flying over the keyboard as I laughed, "Well, you should have heard him last night, he was killing me!"  To which I got the text, "Nice, It sounds like some great parenting last night."  

Braeden's version was more like this.  He said that he asked Daddy why he always says F@%K and then proceeded to say that he couldn't wait to go to f@%king drum lessons.   From there, Daddy acknowledged that he does have a potty mouth, but that it doesn't mean that they can swear too.

According to the latest intelligence report from Braeden - "Daddy sweared two!!!  Two more times!!!   I just don't get it mom, why does he say those swear words?"   I tried to reassure him and explain, but all that I could come up with was that Daddy might have been raised by wolves...

The Winter Warrior Challenge {The Things I'll Do for a Free T-shirt}

"Derek, I just signed up for the Winter Warrior Challenge!!!  I'm gonna run 3 miles outside every day for a month starting on January first!!!" {insert excited squeal here}

"So, you're gonna be running 6 miles on January 2nd to make up for the 3 that you skipped on the 1st?" {insert the pin that burst my bubble here}

What a jerk, right?  Nope, not really.  He's not a jerk, he just knows me better than anyone and he knows that I'm famous for my grand ideas paired with lackluster follow up.  I am the queen of starting new things and I have an entire craft room dedicated to new projects to prove it.  It's like a museum.   Here lies the zippered pouch that I started in June 2012.  Over here we have a quilt that I only half quilted.  Around this corner are pattern pieces and fabric for the Christmas tree skirt I started in  December 2011.  They pile up like dirty laundry.  I have had more "Day Ones"  than Bill Murray has had Ground Hog Days - all because I am easily distracted by my new grand ideas.  Don't we all love something a little more shiny & new?   Is there anyone out there who loves sticking with something once the novelty has worn off?  When your new commitment starts to feel like you're tethered to an old wall phone with a cord that doesn't quite reach far enough,  it starts to feel like it's holding us back.   We can't reach those shiny new ideas and eventually, we just hang up the phone and without looking back we're onto the latest "best new thing".

Derek is honest and he jests, but he also said that he knew that I could do it and he did tell me so.

Of course, as soon as I hit send on the sign-up email for the challenge, I was hit with a nasty cold, possibly the flu.  Luckily, come January first I was on the tail end of whatever it was and was able to start out on Day One of my 3 mile-a-day-outside-no-matter-what-the-weather-challenge.   In addtion to the weather, I knew that I'd be battling my own conliginous collection of lame ass excuses that I'm so good at coming up with.  Believe me, I can come up with them.  Excuses for me, sprout up like weeds.  And I know how cliche this all seems - January first, New Year's Resolution, blah, blah, blah.  Listen, that just happened to be the day that Bayside Runner was beginning the challenge.   Now, the last and most important, but far less obvious piece of this challenge was, for me anyway, that it had nothing to do with running, other than the fact that I had to run each day.  Bear with me, it will make sense is a bit, if you're lucky.

As I mentioned earlier, I hardly ever make it to "Day Two" of a new habit...not consecutively anyway.    It's weird because there are all of those sayings out there..."We're creatures of habit." and "Habits are hard to break," yet habits, the good ones anyway, are super hard to start!  Why?  Because we are creatures of habit.    Well, not this time.  This time, I was going to have a Day 2, a Day 3, a Day 4!!!  And all the way up to Day 31.  I was determined to stick with it!!! 

For me, I succeed when I tell everyone I know about what I am trying to accomplish.  It's nice to have people cheering you on, but mostly I do it because I hate to fail with all eyes on me.  And so, for 31 days, not matter what, I ran outside.

I ran on the weekend mornings instead of sleeping in.
I ran in the cold rain.
I ran in the snow.
I ran in the slush & rivers of cold water - well they seemed like rivers!
I ran in the dark with a head lamp.
I ran with YakTraks.
I ran when I forgot my ipod.
I ran when I forgot my Garmin.
I ran when I forgot fresh socks for after my shower - barefoot feet in sneakers is gross.
I ran when I was sick for about three or four days - I'm convinced DayQuil has speed in it!
I ran when I was tired.
I ran on that day when I like to stay in my pjs and eat chocolate.
I ran hungover - twice.
I ran when it was well below freezing - a few times.
I ran instead of running errands.
I ran at night when it was snowing and the roads were icy.
I ran even when I knew that I'd be going without a shower for hours - sorry people.
I ran with a fox in a box on a train in the rain.
I ran and I ran and I ran.

And still, I tell you, it had nothing to do with running.  Really it didn't.  I am already a runner.  Running 3 miles is not a new thing for me.  However, doing it, or anything else for that matter, every day  is what was new for me.  It had everything to do with squashing excuses and reasons that I couldn't start a new habit and make time for myself.

I figured if I could run outside everyday day in January, then I could do anything.  If I ran no matter what, then all other new habits would pale in comparison as far as difficulty goes.  From here on out, all other habits would be a breeze.  Do this and I can tackle anything!

The other side of this was that I wanted to prove to myself that the world would not end if I took one hour a day for myself.  Don't we all long for a personal day? A day to be utterly unproductive, pamper ourselves or even work on a project.  And yet, that never-ending-nagging list of food shopping, emails, homework, carting the kids around, cooking and cleaning always cripples us from ever taking a minute.   We're always feeling as if when we stop all that we juggle will come crashing to the ground.  What if I told you that it wouldn't?  What if I told you that instead of crashing to the ground that it would all  just freeze mid-air as if you hit the pause button?  Everything will stay put & wait for you to press play again.  Sure, it would be nice if someone else took care of all of the stuff that you were juggling, but let's not get carried away here.  I'm just trying to tell you that you can take a minute, an hour in fact, for yourself each and every day.  

For the month of January, although I ran each day, it was more about what I did not do.  I did not food shop on my lunch break or go to the craft store.  I didn't make any lists, work on any projects, write any blog posts (although I did in my head while running - I just can't shut that off).  I did not prep for Cub Scouts, email anyone, facebook my friends, txt or anything of the sort - nada, zip, zilch - for an hour each day.   I used my lunch break for what it was intended for - a break.  Sure, eating lunch would have been good too, but I just piled on the calories during my coffee breaks.   I did nothing for an hour each day and my world did not end.  Food still managed to find its way to the fridge & pantry.  And all of the things that needed to get done got done.

So, go for it, press pause and read a book, paint your nails, go for a run, have a cup of tea.  The feeling of being refreshed will be worth it!

There were some wonderful side effects to this running challenge that I claim had nothing to do with running.  My pace increased dramatically and I broke through the 9 minute mile barrier that I had built for myself.  I'm not sure why I thought that I couldn't do it, but I could and I did.  I finished one of my 3 milers in 25 minutes and some change!!!  Yahoo!!!

Derek also noticed that all of this running had dramatically increased my desire to do laundry.  Yeah, I'm not sure where you thought I was going with that, but I only have, like, two pairs of warm running pants so, I had to step it up in the laundry room and he was super appreciative since I pretty much never finish a load of laundry.   I told you, I am terrible at finishing stuff!

Oh, and I got this cool T-shirt with my name on it!!!

I Stalk Happy People...

I have started and stopped this post a few times because it keeps veering off in a direction that I didn't want to take.  And now I am going in circles. I just wanted to skip ahead to the "stalking of happy people" part and how that will make you a happier person.  Funny thing about writing, it can parallel life.  Sometimes we have a perfect plan, but we don't always have the choice to take the path that we have so neatly laid out before us.  So, I will let my pen guide me to the point that I wanted to make instead of forcing it.

On New Year's Day, a very good friend of mine read my post on Facebook and said she wished that we lived closer so that I could share my optimism with her.  That made me smile, my heart skipped a little beat, because that meant that I had done it.  I had become a happier person just as I had set out to be!

We seldom make a change for the heck of it.  Most times we are backed into a corner and forced to.  If you told my mother six months ago that she would cut bread & pasta out of her diet, she would have laughed in your face.  However, when she was diagnosed with a gluten allergy as the likely culprit of her constant hives, it became a change she had to make.  Those are the changes that are the easiest to make...relatively speaking.  The other, more abstract changes, like being more thankful, being more organized or ...being happier, well, those take a bit more resolve because there is no instant-uncomfortable reaction when you slip up. 

My decision to create happiness instead of pursuing it sprouted up after a childhood friend of mine passed away - at the young age of 35, from a complication, from a very routine surgery.   It made me think even more about how short life can be.  How tragic life can be.  It made me think that I can not spare one moment not being happy.  What did I have to be unhappy about?  What right did I have?  How selfish was it to waste even one moment on it? - unhappiness - phooey!

I lost my friend and felt devastated. I attended the wake and the funeral.  I told her younger brother how very proud his big sister was of him.  Hugs and tears.  And then life presses on.  There are no cards for losing a friend, no meals brought by, no follow ups.  No one talks about it.  You are on your own to make heads or tails of it.

I'm not telling you this to be all "boo-hoo, poor me."  I'm just saying, it's a weird thing and like many other events in life there is no manual for it.

I remember that I could call her out of the blue and receive that "just right" sage advice.  We had known each other for as long as I can remember and our lives criss-crossed many times.  They paralleled each others in so many ways.  I could always count on her for a big-sister-type-chat...and I took it for granted that she would always be there.  We take so much for granted in this life.

I know that there are bigger loses out there.  A mother, a husband, an aunt and the ultimate - losing a child.  I think the thing about losing a friend who, like me, was a wife and a mother, who was just a few years other than me, made me realize that it could have been me.  Life is random and sometimes cruel; but life is good.  Life is Beautiful. And so, I made the choice.  I make the choice every day - to be happy.

Some days I stumble.  Sometimes I am flustered and short tempered, but each day, I try.  I work at it.  I needed some help along the way and so I began to stalk happy people.

I noticed that the happy people come in all shapes and sizes.  Some have oodles of money and others are scrapping to get by.  Some have big houses while others rent small apartments.  Some have no children and others are busting at the seams with them.  There are single moms, dual earners, stay-at-home parents. People who travel and others that never leave their town.  I did notice that a bunch of them believe in a God and often praise God.  I definitely thought that faith, was going to be the "ding, ding, ding" we have a winner characteristic, but it wasn't.  There are just people out there that always see that glass as half full.

When you're living in your own little bubble, you think you are the only one who has had this challenge or that challenge in life, but guess what?  We've all been screwed over at one point or another in our lives. We all get a flat tire when we're already late.  Hit the sleep button instead of the snooze.  Over-spend at Christmas. Lose a job. Miss the train. Spill our coffee. Fail a test.  It never ends.  But, it is how you respond to it that matters.   And there was a group of people out there that no matter what happened, there was always a spring in their step.  They would either find something else to share with their friends online or twist their misfortunes into something sarcastically funny, but just shy of snarky.  I knew I wanted to be in this group and so I stalked those people.   What do they post about?  What do they take photos of?  What pages do they like?  What blogs do they follow?  What books have they read?  Surely, I could be like them. I just needed to practice and stare and compare - that's what we call it at work.

The proof is in the pudding.   When we fell on some financial hardships, after a trifecta of events beyond our control  {I know, money = taboo, don't talk about it} but, we were determined to be happy in spite of it all.  I was determined to not let this define us or ruin us.  People say that if your problems can be solved with money, then you don't have problems at all.    It's true.    Of course, that doesn't mean that life cannot be stressful when you're down on your luck, but why add "unhappy" to the pile?  We took a detour, which turned out to be the scenic route and what majestic views we saw!  We slowed down and didn't flinch.  We enjoyed it; every moment of the trip that we would have never planned except that a road map was thrown into our laps and we were told, "This is your new route."   The secret to happiness {pay attention} is that when something befalls you that you hadn't wanted or planned for - Embrace it.  You hug the crap out of whatever comes your way and say,   "Thank you!"      Be grateful.     I remember once when Braeden opened up one of his birthday presents, he was less than thrilled with the gift and it showed all over his face.  Since then, I have actually practiced "how to be thankful for gifts" with him.  I told him that gifts are our friends' and families' way of being thoughtful and showing their love.   No matter what they give you, it's the thoughtfulness that counts.  Then, I reached for the nearest thing, which happened to be sack of potatoes, and put it in his lap.   "What do you say?" I asked  "Thank you!" he said with a smile...more like a laugh because "potatoes in your lap" is funny.   It's ironic that the lessons we will take the time to teach our children like: saying  "please & thank you", eating your veggies, making your bed, being kind,  listening,  that we forget to practice ourselves.   Leading by example is the best way to teach.   And I have learned some great lessons from some good friends.

Here is a snippet of the things that happy people do:  {Thank you for these lessons}
When their tire goes flat they are thankful that they have a friend to call.
When they oversleep they are glad for that extra sleep.
When they've lost power for days & they finally return home, they're happy for snow that the kids can play in.
When they lose their job they are happy to have more time with their children.
When they are sick, they are glad to be forced to rest.
When they are broadsided on the way to Christmas dinner, they are thankful that no one was hurt.

Happy people cheer their friends instead of envying them.
Happy people turn a crappy event into a sarcastically funny post.
Happy people look for the silver lining.
Happy people remind their friends about their great achievements.
Happy people lift others up instead of putting them down.
Happy people love unconditionally.
Happy people are thankful.

We can become so caught up in the plan that we are following, that we often do not realize that our plan is not the actual plan.   We can map out what we want for our future and set goals, which is all good & well, but it's also import to realize that life is what happens while you're making plans.   Enjoy Life and practice being thankful for every sack of potatoes that comes you way.  Don't pursue happiness - create it.

Just in case you want to stalk me...

Books I have read:
http://onethousandgifts.com/
http://www.eckharttolle.com/books/now/
http://www.eckharttolle.com/books/newearth/
The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz
Blogs I follow:
http://www.aholyexperience.com/
http://pearlsandfences.blogspot.com/
http://thankyougrace.blogspot.com/
Stories I follow:
http://www.facebook.com/belikebrit