There are no words...

For the last few weeks, probably months even, I have been feeling incredibly nostalgic.  Many an hour I have spent flipping through the pages of photo albums, one of which will be ten years old soon.  Ten years old soon because tomorrow morning at approximately 4:40am my first son was born.  I call him G Love and Special Sauce and he hates it.   He is the light of my world.  I am who I am today because of him.

For the past few days, I've been working and crafting this wildly funny and sarcastic blog in response to a blog I read a few months ago disparaging the notion of, "Carpe Diem" as it relates to being a new mom.   I had some witty rebuttals and my own antidotes of when words like, "Cherish every moment" and "time flies by" were bestowed upon me.

In light of the horrific tragedy today, I can't imagine that there is one parent on the face of the planet who doesn't already know how precious each and every moment with their child is.  Posting it now would be in the poorest of taste.

I can't remember any time that I have ever been so upset, not even on September 11, 2001.  And we all know how devastating that day was,  but that was Pre-K for me.  Pre-Kids that is.   When people tell you how having children will change your life, there is no way to put it into words.  It's a feeling.  It's your heart on your sleeve.  Your children are your heart beating freely and carelessly outside of you.   The reaction that I feel today from this unspeakable tragedy has made me fully and completely see the difference becoming a mother has made in my life.

I am heaving and sobbing.

We have talk radio on most of the time at work so we heard what was going on.  We saw accounts of a shooter at a school online.  For hours, the only news was that a teacher was shot in the foot.  Not that that isn't terrible, but when the story changed and they said that children were shot and killed.

I lost it.  I know that I am not alone in feeling this way.   Losing a child is every parents' worst nightmare, never-mind to have it happen like this.  There are no words.  There are no words.