When you’re racing out to grab your morning caffeine, your life-line, and you realize that your freezing as you approach the coffee shop and wonder where your jacket is only to remember that you overslept because you didn’t set your alarm clock and frantically left the house without it, not even realizing that it was barely 40 degrees out, because you were too busy calculating in your head how late you’d be to work and what excuse you’d use in the event that someone asked, then it’s time to reevaluate. It is time to reevaluate. Time to figure out why you’re always rushing around. Why you are always forgetting everything. Why you spend what seems like half of the day, looking for your cars keys or cell phone – often calling yourself just to find said phone. It’s time.
Years ago, if I wasn’t 15 minutes early, then I felt like I was late. I had neat organized lists for everything. I planned for any situation and was beyond ready for any and all circumstance thrown my way. Of course, at some point I snapped. I remember the exact moment, as if it were yesterday, but it was years ago. I’d say eight or nine years ago. I’m sure that if I dug out a calendar I could pinpoint that specific date, but really, who cares? I’m hardly a detail girl anymore. The pendulum has swung so far in the other direction, that I hardly recognize myself. Now, I’m pretty much always 15 minutes late – for every thing. Feeling unprepared seems to be the new normal. I have no time. I know that everyone is busy and we are allotted the same amount of time each day and it all comes down to my time management skills. I am in no way blaming anyone but my self for this hectic existence that I struggle with, but I am going to start digging myself out from underneath the rubble of sticky notes, charity fundraising, lists, crafts, alerts, volunteering, running & more. I am like Marcia Brady freshman year of high school when she signed up for every activity under the sun and become completely overwhelmed. I bring this on myself because I can’t say no! Well, I must say “No” from now on.
My life has taken on so many new challenges this year. In the past, I could juggle of all this. Not any more. I am essentially a single mother, well, except for the fact that I have a husband. I see him for about 12 hours a week, unless you count the fact that our sleep schedules overlap. Our time is precious. We need to make every second count, which in turn means that I need to stop being Marcia Brady. I need to understand that right now, I need to start saying “no”. I love doing stuff, helping out & making crafts. I love being busy, really I do, but I have come to understand that for my own sanity, I also need a minute to myself. Just last night I pleaded with my boys when they went to bed, that I would really appreciate them actually staying in bed and falling asleep. Mommy needs a few minutes to herself, alone with quiet to clear her head – to plan out the next day.
And how better to scale back on life than to start a blog! I know, I’m a glutton for punishment. I am shaking my own head as I write this. I know I am crazy and knowing is half the battle, says GI Joe. There, I’m on the right track. Clearly.
In all seriousness, One of the side effects of all of this over loading my plate has been that I never spend time doing the things that I LOVE to do. I seldom write. I seldom take photos. I seldom sew. I want to do things for myself. Uggh, that sounds extremely selfish, I know. It’s just that I don’t even know what my true favorite things are anymore. I have spread myself so thin with my time and talents (don’t laugh, we all have talents. I’m not being vain, there is a point I’m trying to make.) Where was I? Ok, stretched so thin with my time and talents that I’m not “great” at anything. Essentially, I have become a Jack of all trades, master of none. I want to be a master at something. Some “one thing” that I love. Ok, probably three things; like a trifecta of photos, writing and sewing. The “one thing” is more about a focus for my trifecta. I need a focus! And, so it begins, the balancing of order and chaos.
So, are you walking the balance beam too? Tell me about your day? How do you juggle it all?
So, are you walking the balance beam too? Tell me about your day? How do you juggle it all?
No comments:
Post a Comment