Why You Should Teach Your 7 Year Old To Swear...

I had a crap-tacular day at work on Friday.  My day started out with my boss calling to ream me out about something that I really think is her job.   That cloud hung drearily overhead all day.  I tried to have a pity party but no one would attend.   There was no "misery loves company" that day.  I even bumped into a very jolly-happy-to-be-janitor-fellow who should have cured me of my spoiled brat attititude, but nope.  It lingered still, like the smelll of a musty, damp, dark basement.

I stopped off at the farmer's market with the sole intention of buying chocolate chip cookies and chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting that I had every intention of devouring with red wine for dinner.  Yup, it's true, when you're a grown up you can eat and drink whatever you want.

While the boys ate their dinner, I pigged out with my mom on cupcakes as I griped to her about my day.  Apparently, I was going on and on and on about it because Garin finally spoke up and said, "Mom, I really don't want to sit and listen to you talk about your boss.  It's not nice the things you are saying that she did.  She sounds annoying."  That snapped me out of my ranting rampage.   I started to say that I was sorry and that he was right...I shouldn't be saying these things, but before I could finish that sentence, Braeden was up on his knees, brows furrowed, arms flailing as he said, "Yeah, and I don't like listening to Dad talk.  He is always saying those swears.  Bleeep this and bleeping that.   I don't like it!"

Suddenly, my mind flashed back to those 80's commercials where the Dad finds pot in his son's bedroom and asks, "Where did you get this? Where did you learn this?"  And the boy replies, "From you dad,  I learned it by watching you."  Bingo!  My brilliant idea was born!

"Tomorrow, on the way to music lessons, I think you guys should swear when you talk to Dad,"  I blurted out.  Their eyes widened.   The strange words kept streaming out of my mouth, "Yup, Braeden, why don't you say, 'Dad,  I can't wait to play my F@*%ing drums.  It's gonna be f@%&ing awesome.'"  By now their eyes were as big as the moon and their mouths were dropped open like a draw bridge in disbelief that their mother was sitting there swearing at the kitchen table with the intent of them swearing too!

So, Braeden, perched up on his knees, eyes still wide, asks me meekly if he can practice saying a swear.  I said sure, go ahead.  There was no hesitation at the choice of the word, I could tell, but hesitation there was.   Now, you'd have to know Braeden.  He is funny, quick-witted and clever.   Just last week when I told him that he was the funniest kid that I'd ever met, without even skipping a beat he pointed out - you mean made, remember mom, you made me?  Yup, you're right.  You are the funniest kid that I ever made.

Now, as much as he is funny, he is also fastidious about following the rules and routines.  I was scolded just the other day for putting his lunch bag in the wrong spot.  So, for him to say a swear, knowing dang well {as he would say} that it is against the rules, well, it went against the very fiber of his being.   And yet, he pressed his top teeth into his bottom lip with great precision and out came the FFfffffffff.u.c.k.

As this was happening, I was instantly regretful that I was sitting at my kitchen table teaching my seven year old how to swear and that I didn't record it!  It was by far the most hilarious thing that I had ever witnessed.   That word being pushed out of his mouth and the bewilderment on his face as his ears heard the word was too much.

I'm sure you've figured how by now that my parenting style is, umm, let's say - unconventional.  I'm a "off the cuff", "fly by the seat of your pants" type of person.  I think things through as I'm doing them.   Fortunately, light did shine on marblehead and I added a footnote to what was going on.   I made sure to tell them that this was a "one-time" pass for swearing tomorrow just to make a point with Dad.    That was that.

After sleeping on it, I thought maybe it wasn't my most glorious parenting moment. So, I didn't bring it up to the boys.  I just put kisses on their heads and went off to work.  Of course, when the hour crept near for music lessons, I couldn't help but wonder...and wish that I was a fly on the wall for that ride.

Eleven o'clock came and went.  No call.  No text from Derek.  Hmm, they must have chickened out?  I finally received a text, but no mention of anything odd.  I replied and asked if the boys had said anything interesting on the way to lessons???   Derek said that they didn't and asked why I was asking...apparently my mother just texted him the same question.    After explaining the plan for Braeden to "teach him a lesson" he said that B did try to say something, but was laughing too hard for him to understand what was going on.  <-----this was Derek's version of the story.    Thumbs flying over the keyboard as I laughed, "Well, you should have heard him last night, he was killing me!"  To which I got the text, "Nice, It sounds like some great parenting last night."  

Braeden's version was more like this.  He said that he asked Daddy why he always says F@%K and then proceeded to say that he couldn't wait to go to f@%king drum lessons.   From there, Daddy acknowledged that he does have a potty mouth, but that it doesn't mean that they can swear too.

According to the latest intelligence report from Braeden - "Daddy sweared two!!!  Two more times!!!   I just don't get it mom, why does he say those swear words?"   I tried to reassure him and explain, but all that I could come up with was that Daddy might have been raised by wolves...

The Winter Warrior Challenge {The Things I'll Do for a Free T-shirt}

"Derek, I just signed up for the Winter Warrior Challenge!!!  I'm gonna run 3 miles outside every day for a month starting on January first!!!" {insert excited squeal here}

"So, you're gonna be running 6 miles on January 2nd to make up for the 3 that you skipped on the 1st?" {insert the pin that burst my bubble here}

What a jerk, right?  Nope, not really.  He's not a jerk, he just knows me better than anyone and he knows that I'm famous for my grand ideas paired with lackluster follow up.  I am the queen of starting new things and I have an entire craft room dedicated to new projects to prove it.  It's like a museum.   Here lies the zippered pouch that I started in June 2012.  Over here we have a quilt that I only half quilted.  Around this corner are pattern pieces and fabric for the Christmas tree skirt I started in  December 2011.  They pile up like dirty laundry.  I have had more "Day Ones"  than Bill Murray has had Ground Hog Days - all because I am easily distracted by my new grand ideas.  Don't we all love something a little more shiny & new?   Is there anyone out there who loves sticking with something once the novelty has worn off?  When your new commitment starts to feel like you're tethered to an old wall phone with a cord that doesn't quite reach far enough,  it starts to feel like it's holding us back.   We can't reach those shiny new ideas and eventually, we just hang up the phone and without looking back we're onto the latest "best new thing".

Derek is honest and he jests, but he also said that he knew that I could do it and he did tell me so.

Of course, as soon as I hit send on the sign-up email for the challenge, I was hit with a nasty cold, possibly the flu.  Luckily, come January first I was on the tail end of whatever it was and was able to start out on Day One of my 3 mile-a-day-outside-no-matter-what-the-weather-challenge.   In addtion to the weather, I knew that I'd be battling my own conliginous collection of lame ass excuses that I'm so good at coming up with.  Believe me, I can come up with them.  Excuses for me, sprout up like weeds.  And I know how cliche this all seems - January first, New Year's Resolution, blah, blah, blah.  Listen, that just happened to be the day that Bayside Runner was beginning the challenge.   Now, the last and most important, but far less obvious piece of this challenge was, for me anyway, that it had nothing to do with running, other than the fact that I had to run each day.  Bear with me, it will make sense is a bit, if you're lucky.

As I mentioned earlier, I hardly ever make it to "Day Two" of a new habit...not consecutively anyway.    It's weird because there are all of those sayings out there..."We're creatures of habit." and "Habits are hard to break," yet habits, the good ones anyway, are super hard to start!  Why?  Because we are creatures of habit.    Well, not this time.  This time, I was going to have a Day 2, a Day 3, a Day 4!!!  And all the way up to Day 31.  I was determined to stick with it!!! 

For me, I succeed when I tell everyone I know about what I am trying to accomplish.  It's nice to have people cheering you on, but mostly I do it because I hate to fail with all eyes on me.  And so, for 31 days, not matter what, I ran outside.

I ran on the weekend mornings instead of sleeping in.
I ran in the cold rain.
I ran in the snow.
I ran in the slush & rivers of cold water - well they seemed like rivers!
I ran in the dark with a head lamp.
I ran with YakTraks.
I ran when I forgot my ipod.
I ran when I forgot my Garmin.
I ran when I forgot fresh socks for after my shower - barefoot feet in sneakers is gross.
I ran when I was sick for about three or four days - I'm convinced DayQuil has speed in it!
I ran when I was tired.
I ran on that day when I like to stay in my pjs and eat chocolate.
I ran hungover - twice.
I ran when it was well below freezing - a few times.
I ran instead of running errands.
I ran at night when it was snowing and the roads were icy.
I ran even when I knew that I'd be going without a shower for hours - sorry people.
I ran with a fox in a box on a train in the rain.
I ran and I ran and I ran.

And still, I tell you, it had nothing to do with running.  Really it didn't.  I am already a runner.  Running 3 miles is not a new thing for me.  However, doing it, or anything else for that matter, every day  is what was new for me.  It had everything to do with squashing excuses and reasons that I couldn't start a new habit and make time for myself.

I figured if I could run outside everyday day in January, then I could do anything.  If I ran no matter what, then all other new habits would pale in comparison as far as difficulty goes.  From here on out, all other habits would be a breeze.  Do this and I can tackle anything!

The other side of this was that I wanted to prove to myself that the world would not end if I took one hour a day for myself.  Don't we all long for a personal day? A day to be utterly unproductive, pamper ourselves or even work on a project.  And yet, that never-ending-nagging list of food shopping, emails, homework, carting the kids around, cooking and cleaning always cripples us from ever taking a minute.   We're always feeling as if when we stop all that we juggle will come crashing to the ground.  What if I told you that it wouldn't?  What if I told you that instead of crashing to the ground that it would all  just freeze mid-air as if you hit the pause button?  Everything will stay put & wait for you to press play again.  Sure, it would be nice if someone else took care of all of the stuff that you were juggling, but let's not get carried away here.  I'm just trying to tell you that you can take a minute, an hour in fact, for yourself each and every day.  

For the month of January, although I ran each day, it was more about what I did not do.  I did not food shop on my lunch break or go to the craft store.  I didn't make any lists, work on any projects, write any blog posts (although I did in my head while running - I just can't shut that off).  I did not prep for Cub Scouts, email anyone, facebook my friends, txt or anything of the sort - nada, zip, zilch - for an hour each day.   I used my lunch break for what it was intended for - a break.  Sure, eating lunch would have been good too, but I just piled on the calories during my coffee breaks.   I did nothing for an hour each day and my world did not end.  Food still managed to find its way to the fridge & pantry.  And all of the things that needed to get done got done.

So, go for it, press pause and read a book, paint your nails, go for a run, have a cup of tea.  The feeling of being refreshed will be worth it!

There were some wonderful side effects to this running challenge that I claim had nothing to do with running.  My pace increased dramatically and I broke through the 9 minute mile barrier that I had built for myself.  I'm not sure why I thought that I couldn't do it, but I could and I did.  I finished one of my 3 milers in 25 minutes and some change!!!  Yahoo!!!

Derek also noticed that all of this running had dramatically increased my desire to do laundry.  Yeah, I'm not sure where you thought I was going with that, but I only have, like, two pairs of warm running pants so, I had to step it up in the laundry room and he was super appreciative since I pretty much never finish a load of laundry.   I told you, I am terrible at finishing stuff!

Oh, and I got this cool T-shirt with my name on it!!!