I Stalk Happy People...

I have started and stopped this post a few times because it keeps veering off in a direction that I didn't want to take.  And now I am going in circles. I just wanted to skip ahead to the "stalking of happy people" part and how that will make you a happier person.  Funny thing about writing, it can parallel life.  Sometimes we have a perfect plan, but we don't always have the choice to take the path that we have so neatly laid out before us.  So, I will let my pen guide me to the point that I wanted to make instead of forcing it.

On New Year's Day, a very good friend of mine read my post on Facebook and said she wished that we lived closer so that I could share my optimism with her.  That made me smile, my heart skipped a little beat, because that meant that I had done it.  I had become a happier person just as I had set out to be!

We seldom make a change for the heck of it.  Most times we are backed into a corner and forced to.  If you told my mother six months ago that she would cut bread & pasta out of her diet, she would have laughed in your face.  However, when she was diagnosed with a gluten allergy as the likely culprit of her constant hives, it became a change she had to make.  Those are the changes that are the easiest to make...relatively speaking.  The other, more abstract changes, like being more thankful, being more organized or ...being happier, well, those take a bit more resolve because there is no instant-uncomfortable reaction when you slip up. 

My decision to create happiness instead of pursuing it sprouted up after a childhood friend of mine passed away - at the young age of 35, from a complication, from a very routine surgery.   It made me think even more about how short life can be.  How tragic life can be.  It made me think that I can not spare one moment not being happy.  What did I have to be unhappy about?  What right did I have?  How selfish was it to waste even one moment on it? - unhappiness - phooey!

I lost my friend and felt devastated. I attended the wake and the funeral.  I told her younger brother how very proud his big sister was of him.  Hugs and tears.  And then life presses on.  There are no cards for losing a friend, no meals brought by, no follow ups.  No one talks about it.  You are on your own to make heads or tails of it.

I'm not telling you this to be all "boo-hoo, poor me."  I'm just saying, it's a weird thing and like many other events in life there is no manual for it.

I remember that I could call her out of the blue and receive that "just right" sage advice.  We had known each other for as long as I can remember and our lives criss-crossed many times.  They paralleled each others in so many ways.  I could always count on her for a big-sister-type-chat...and I took it for granted that she would always be there.  We take so much for granted in this life.

I know that there are bigger loses out there.  A mother, a husband, an aunt and the ultimate - losing a child.  I think the thing about losing a friend who, like me, was a wife and a mother, who was just a few years other than me, made me realize that it could have been me.  Life is random and sometimes cruel; but life is good.  Life is Beautiful. And so, I made the choice.  I make the choice every day - to be happy.

Some days I stumble.  Sometimes I am flustered and short tempered, but each day, I try.  I work at it.  I needed some help along the way and so I began to stalk happy people.

I noticed that the happy people come in all shapes and sizes.  Some have oodles of money and others are scrapping to get by.  Some have big houses while others rent small apartments.  Some have no children and others are busting at the seams with them.  There are single moms, dual earners, stay-at-home parents. People who travel and others that never leave their town.  I did notice that a bunch of them believe in a God and often praise God.  I definitely thought that faith, was going to be the "ding, ding, ding" we have a winner characteristic, but it wasn't.  There are just people out there that always see that glass as half full.

When you're living in your own little bubble, you think you are the only one who has had this challenge or that challenge in life, but guess what?  We've all been screwed over at one point or another in our lives. We all get a flat tire when we're already late.  Hit the sleep button instead of the snooze.  Over-spend at Christmas. Lose a job. Miss the train. Spill our coffee. Fail a test.  It never ends.  But, it is how you respond to it that matters.   And there was a group of people out there that no matter what happened, there was always a spring in their step.  They would either find something else to share with their friends online or twist their misfortunes into something sarcastically funny, but just shy of snarky.  I knew I wanted to be in this group and so I stalked those people.   What do they post about?  What do they take photos of?  What pages do they like?  What blogs do they follow?  What books have they read?  Surely, I could be like them. I just needed to practice and stare and compare - that's what we call it at work.

The proof is in the pudding.   When we fell on some financial hardships, after a trifecta of events beyond our control  {I know, money = taboo, don't talk about it} but, we were determined to be happy in spite of it all.  I was determined to not let this define us or ruin us.  People say that if your problems can be solved with money, then you don't have problems at all.    It's true.    Of course, that doesn't mean that life cannot be stressful when you're down on your luck, but why add "unhappy" to the pile?  We took a detour, which turned out to be the scenic route and what majestic views we saw!  We slowed down and didn't flinch.  We enjoyed it; every moment of the trip that we would have never planned except that a road map was thrown into our laps and we were told, "This is your new route."   The secret to happiness {pay attention} is that when something befalls you that you hadn't wanted or planned for - Embrace it.  You hug the crap out of whatever comes your way and say,   "Thank you!"      Be grateful.     I remember once when Braeden opened up one of his birthday presents, he was less than thrilled with the gift and it showed all over his face.  Since then, I have actually practiced "how to be thankful for gifts" with him.  I told him that gifts are our friends' and families' way of being thoughtful and showing their love.   No matter what they give you, it's the thoughtfulness that counts.  Then, I reached for the nearest thing, which happened to be sack of potatoes, and put it in his lap.   "What do you say?" I asked  "Thank you!" he said with a smile...more like a laugh because "potatoes in your lap" is funny.   It's ironic that the lessons we will take the time to teach our children like: saying  "please & thank you", eating your veggies, making your bed, being kind,  listening,  that we forget to practice ourselves.   Leading by example is the best way to teach.   And I have learned some great lessons from some good friends.

Here is a snippet of the things that happy people do:  {Thank you for these lessons}
When their tire goes flat they are thankful that they have a friend to call.
When they oversleep they are glad for that extra sleep.
When they've lost power for days & they finally return home, they're happy for snow that the kids can play in.
When they lose their job they are happy to have more time with their children.
When they are sick, they are glad to be forced to rest.
When they are broadsided on the way to Christmas dinner, they are thankful that no one was hurt.

Happy people cheer their friends instead of envying them.
Happy people turn a crappy event into a sarcastically funny post.
Happy people look for the silver lining.
Happy people remind their friends about their great achievements.
Happy people lift others up instead of putting them down.
Happy people love unconditionally.
Happy people are thankful.

We can become so caught up in the plan that we are following, that we often do not realize that our plan is not the actual plan.   We can map out what we want for our future and set goals, which is all good & well, but it's also import to realize that life is what happens while you're making plans.   Enjoy Life and practice being thankful for every sack of potatoes that comes you way.  Don't pursue happiness - create it.

Just in case you want to stalk me...

Books I have read:
http://onethousandgifts.com/
http://www.eckharttolle.com/books/now/
http://www.eckharttolle.com/books/newearth/
The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz
Blogs I follow:
http://www.aholyexperience.com/
http://pearlsandfences.blogspot.com/
http://thankyougrace.blogspot.com/
Stories I follow:
http://www.facebook.com/belikebrit

All Acts of Kindness Welcome...

I was at Trucchi’s last week, shopping on my lunch break, when I heard a voice behind me. 

“Miss, can you help me reach I few things?”

As someone who is vertically challenged myself and is always asking the same question of my husband, I was happy to help. 

She asked me to grab a few things, the quart size milk – 2% please.  The creamer, the tall one by Garelick Farms and something else.  It was clear that this was part of her shopping routine.  I forget what the last item was, but I remember putting it in her cart as she thanked me.

She thanked me.

As I walked away, I began to think about kindness; random acts of kindness to be specific.  Did what I just do qualify as a “Random Act of Kindness.”  Was it not random because she asked me?  Does it only count if I see someone reaching and then I help?  Hmm, no, I think you have to be anonymous to make it random.  I don’t know.  *SMH*

What about the time when I answered a friend’s request for help.  I gave ten minutes of my time and she gained hours of her time in return.   Where does this act fall in the grand scheme of things?  Lately, there has been such a buzz about it.  The more random – er, the more anonymous - er, the grand- er the act - the better.   It seems that there has begun to be a little bit of snobbery about it – competitiveness, if you will or rules.     I’ve been caught up in it myself.    Sheesh, humans, we complicate everything.

Just a few weeks ago, my husband was the recipient of one of these "Random Acts of Kindness."  It was truly random, right down to the core of it.  Derek has been taking Bob out on Saturdays for over 20 years now and they had never, ever gone out to breakfast.  It was always lunch, usually Wendy’s, unless Bob said that Derek could surprise him.  Since Derek took the  2^ndshift with his new job, he had to change things up with Bob and move their iconic Noon-4 outing to 9am-1pm.  It went better than imagined.  And on this particular Saturday, Bob said, “Let’s go out for breakfast.”  And, so they did.   I received a call from my bewildered husband that not only had they gone out for breakfast, but when he got up to pay, the waitress said that the family who sat behind him had taken care of their check already.   He asked me what he was supposed to do.  “How do I thank them?” he asked.  I said with a smile, “You pay it forward.”   I was giddy with glee over it and quickly reported it to Facebook.  Everyone loves to hear about this crap.  It makes people feel good and they can share their stories and maybe get on out their and bestow a random on someone else.  It’s like a fever these days and in a good way!

The “thanking”, that is the part of the equation that is separating acts of kindness from random acts of kindness.  With a random act of kindness, the recipient cannot thank you, so the hope is that they pay it forward.  It is an anonymous act.  A pure act…or is it?  The bestower can still smile knowing that they’ve just done something good.  Isn’t that why we do it?  C’mon, be honest?  It’s ok to have that warm glow from knowing you have made someone’s day.  It doesn’t make it selfish or self-serving.   And, so just the same, regular acts of kindness are just as good and deserving of our praise as the random - anonymous ones.  They're all good!   There is no need to separate, label and pigeon hole kindness.  Just be kind, even if it's just to make yourself feel better. 

So, I say, ALL acts of kindness welcome!

Don’t get caught up in the monetary value either…whether you pay off someone’s Christmas layaway or close the door of a car you saw left opened in a parking lot, it may mean the world to someone.   Give your time to a friend who’s asked for help or for goodness' sake, pick up the phone instead of texting.  I did that during Christmas & New Year’s - called at least seven friends who I hadn’t talked to in awhile and I am certain those 10 minute conversation gave us more than pages of txting ever would have! 

So, get out there and:

Hold the door for someone

Smile at a stranger

Wave a car ahead of you

Let someone cut you in line

Mail someone a card

Grab coffee for your coworker

Pass along the kids' out-grown clothes

Make a meal for a neighbor

Feel free to had more ideas into the comments

“Each smallest act of kindness, reverberates across great distances and spans of time --affecting lives unknown to the one who’s generous spirit, was the source of this good echo. Because kindness is passed on and grows each time it’s passed until a simple courtesy becomes an act of selfless courage, years later, and far away.”  Dean Koontz, from the Corner of His Eye

In Search of Purpose...

I spent the weekend hanging out with the Flu.  I tried to ignore him on Friday afternoon, in hopes that he would just go away, but eventually I just swung the door open and let him in.  In between carting the boys to music lessons & friends' houses, topped off by raiding the cold and flu aisle for nyquil {which had been completely picked over} we spent much of the weekend on the couch.  Mr. Flu slowed down my weekend considerably.  And considering that the weekend is my time to catch up on the house keeping, well, now it looks like the apocalypse did happen, just a bit later than anticipated. 

Although, I didn’t clean the house, I think I cleared out some cobwebs in my mind.  The movie Hugo was on and even though it didn’t make much sense that there two kids were running around Paris speaking in a British accent, the rest of the story was quite moving.  I really, really liked it.  In fact, I watch the movie twice over the weekend.  I keep thinking about what Isabelle mused about her life:

“I wonder what my purpose in life is?” Isabelle asked Hugo after he said:

“Everything has a purpose, clocks tell you the time, trains take you to places. I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured if the entire world was one big machine... I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason, too.”   

I have often wondered what I am supposed to be doing with my life.  I have read that God’s gift to us is our talent and how we use it is our gift to him.” 

What is my talent?  How am I supposed to use it?  What is my purpose in life?  

As I grow closer to what I consider the halfway point of my life {40 years old} I spend more and more time thinking about what I should be doing with my life.  What legacy will I leave for my boys?  How will I be remembered?  Will I leave my mark or just fade away?  Am I just floating through life or really living it?  I often feel panicky about it.  Life’s like that damned hourglass glued to the table, I fret that I am running out of time.  How does one make their life truly meaningful?

Do I need to invent something?

Should I earn pile of money?

Have I been to X amount of countries?

Tasted Z amounts of food?

Am I contributing to the greater good?

Purpose, purpose, purpose.  What am I doing on purpose and how am I contributing to making the world work and whirl along?   This is something I think about often.   

The boy in the movie, Hugo, discovered his purpose in life was fixing things and eventually that meant fixing people.  At a young age he realized his purpose and claimed it and clung to it.  He embodied it.  It defined him. 

All of this reminds me of what  I wrote about in my very first post.  I need a focus.  I am so glad to have been reminded of that.   

to be continued...