I stopped off at the farmer's market with the sole intention of buying chocolate chip cookies and chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting that I had every intention of devouring with red wine for dinner. Yup, it's true, when you're a grown up you can eat and drink whatever you want.
While the boys ate their dinner, I pigged out with my mom on cupcakes as I griped to her about my day. Apparently, I was going on and on and on about it because Garin finally spoke up and said, "Mom, I really don't want to sit and listen to you talk about your boss. It's not nice the things you are saying that she did. She sounds annoying." That snapped me out of my ranting rampage. I started to say that I was sorry and that he was right...I shouldn't be saying these things, but before I could finish that sentence, Braeden was up on his knees, brows furrowed, arms flailing as he said, "Yeah, and I don't like listening to Dad talk. He is always saying those swears. Bleeep this and bleeping that. I don't like it!"
Suddenly, my mind flashed back to those 80's commercials where the Dad finds pot in his son's bedroom and asks, "Where did you get this? Where did you learn this?" And the boy replies, "From you dad, I learned it by watching you." Bingo! My brilliant idea was born!
"Tomorrow, on the way to music lessons, I think you guys should swear when you talk to Dad," I blurted out. Their eyes widened. The strange words kept streaming out of my mouth, "Yup, Braeden, why don't you say, 'Dad, I can't wait to play my F@*%ing drums. It's gonna be f@%&ing awesome.'" By now their eyes were as big as the moon and their mouths were dropped open like a draw bridge in disbelief that their mother was sitting there swearing at the kitchen table with the intent of them swearing too!
So, Braeden, perched up on his knees, eyes still wide, asks me meekly if he can practice saying a swear. I said sure, go ahead. There was no hesitation at the choice of the word, I could tell, but hesitation there was. Now, you'd have to know Braeden. He is funny, quick-witted and clever. Just last week when I told him that he was the funniest kid that I'd ever met, without even skipping a beat he pointed out - you mean made, remember mom, you made me? Yup, you're right. You are the funniest kid that I ever made.
Now, as much as he is funny, he is also fastidious about following the rules and routines. I was scolded just the other day for putting his lunch bag in the wrong spot. So, for him to say a swear, knowing dang well {as he would say} that it is against the rules, well, it went against the very fiber of his being. And yet, he pressed his top teeth into his bottom lip with great precision and out came the FFfffffffff.u.c.k.
As this was happening, I was instantly regretful that I was sitting at my kitchen table teaching my seven year old how to swear and that I didn't record it! It was by far the most hilarious thing that I had ever witnessed. That word being pushed out of his mouth and the bewilderment on his face as his ears heard the word was too much.
I'm sure you've figured how by now that my parenting style is, umm, let's say - unconventional. I'm a "off the cuff", "fly by the seat of your pants" type of person. I think things through as I'm doing them. Fortunately, light did shine on marblehead and I added a footnote to what was going on. I made sure to tell them that this was a "one-time" pass for swearing tomorrow just to make a point with Dad. That was that.
After sleeping on it, I thought maybe it wasn't my most glorious parenting moment. So, I didn't bring it up to the boys. I just put kisses on their heads and went off to work. Of course, when the hour crept near for music lessons, I couldn't help but wonder...and wish that I was a fly on the wall for that ride.
Eleven o'clock came and went. No call. No text from Derek. Hmm, they must have chickened out? I finally received a text, but no mention of anything odd. I replied and asked if the boys had said anything interesting on the way to lessons??? Derek said that they didn't and asked why I was asking...apparently my mother just texted him the same question. After explaining the plan for Braeden to "teach him a lesson" he said that B did try to say something, but was laughing too hard for him to understand what was going on. <-----this was Derek's version of the story. Thumbs flying over the keyboard as I laughed, "Well, you should have heard him last night, he was killing me!" To which I got the text, "Nice, It sounds like some great parenting last night."
According to the latest intelligence report from Braeden - "Daddy sweared two!!! Two more times!!! I just don't get it mom, why does he say those swear words?" I tried to reassure him and explain, but all that I could come up with was that Daddy might have been raised by wolves...
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