I have started and stopped this post a few times because it keeps veering off in a direction that I didn't want to take. And now I am going in circles. I just wanted to skip ahead to the "stalking of happy people" part and how that will make you a happier person. Funny thing about writing, it can parallel life. Sometimes we have a perfect plan, but we don't always have the choice to take the path that we have so neatly laid out before us. So, I will let my pen guide me to the point that I wanted to make instead of forcing it.
On New Year's Day, a very good friend of mine read my post on Facebook and said she wished that we lived closer so that I could share my optimism with her. That made me smile, my heart skipped a little beat, because that meant that I had done it. I had become a happier person just as I had set out to be!
We seldom make a change for the heck of it. Most times we are backed into a corner and forced to. If you told my mother six months ago that she would cut bread & pasta out of her diet, she would have laughed in your face. However, when she was diagnosed with a gluten allergy as the likely culprit of her constant hives, it became a change she had to make. Those are the changes that are the easiest to make...relatively speaking. The other, more abstract changes, like being more thankful, being more organized or ...being happier, well, those take a bit more resolve because there is no instant-uncomfortable reaction when you slip up.
My decision to create happiness instead of pursuing it sprouted up after a childhood friend of mine passed away - at the young age of 35, from a complication, from a very routine surgery. It made me think even more about how short life can be. How tragic life can be. It made me think that I can not spare one moment not being happy. What did I have to be unhappy about? What right did I have? How selfish was it to waste even one moment on it? - unhappiness - phooey!
I lost my friend and felt devastated. I attended the wake and the funeral. I told her younger brother how very proud his big sister was of him. Hugs and tears. And then life presses on. There are no cards for losing a friend, no meals brought by, no follow ups. No one talks about it. You are on your own to make heads or tails of it.
I'm not telling you this to be all "boo-hoo, poor me." I'm just saying, it's a weird thing and like many other events in life there is no manual for it.
I remember that I could call her out of the blue and receive that "just right" sage advice. We had known each other for as long as I can remember and our lives criss-crossed many times. They paralleled each others in so many ways. I could always count on her for a big-sister-type-chat...and I took it for granted that she would always be there. We take so much for granted in this life.
I know that there are bigger loses out there. A mother, a husband, an aunt and the ultimate - losing a child. I think the thing about losing a friend who, like me, was a wife and a mother, who was just a few years other than me, made me realize that it could have been me. Life is random and sometimes cruel; but life is good. Life is Beautiful. And so, I made the choice. I make the choice every day - to be happy.
Some days I stumble. Sometimes I am flustered and short tempered, but each day, I try. I work at it. I needed some help along the way and so I began to stalk happy people.
I noticed that the happy people come in all shapes and sizes. Some have oodles of money and others are scrapping to get by. Some have big houses while others rent small apartments. Some have no children and others are busting at the seams with them. There are single moms, dual earners, stay-at-home parents. People who travel and others that never leave their town. I did notice that a bunch of them believe in a God and often praise God. I definitely thought that faith, was going to be the "ding, ding, ding" we have a winner characteristic, but it wasn't. There are just people out there that always see that glass as half full.
When you're living in your own little bubble, you think you are the only one who has had this challenge or that challenge in life, but guess what? We've all been screwed over at one point or another in our lives. We all get a flat tire when we're already late. Hit the sleep button instead of the snooze. Over-spend at Christmas. Lose a job. Miss the train. Spill our coffee. Fail a test. It never ends. But, it is how you respond to it that matters. And there was a group of people out there that no matter what happened, there was always a spring in their step. They would either find something else to share with their friends online or twist their misfortunes into something sarcastically funny, but just shy of snarky. I knew I wanted to be in this group and so I stalked those people. What do they post about? What do they take photos of? What pages do they like? What blogs do they follow? What books have they read? Surely, I could be like them. I just needed to practice and stare and compare - that's what we call it at work.
The proof is in the pudding. When we fell on some financial hardships, after a trifecta of events beyond our control {I know, money = taboo, don't talk about it} but, we were determined to be happy in spite of it all. I was determined to not let this define us or ruin us. People say that if your problems can be solved with money, then you don't have problems at all. It's true. Of course, that doesn't mean that life cannot be stressful when you're down on your luck, but why add "unhappy" to the pile? We took a detour, which turned out to be the scenic route and what majestic views we saw! We slowed down and didn't flinch. We enjoyed it; every moment of the trip that we would have never planned except that a road map was thrown into our laps and we were told, "This is your new route." The secret to happiness {pay attention} is that when something befalls you that you hadn't wanted or planned for - Embrace it. You hug the crap out of whatever comes your way and say, "Thank you!" Be grateful. I remember once when Braeden opened up one of his birthday presents, he was less than thrilled with the gift and it showed all over his face. Since then, I have actually practiced "how to be thankful for gifts" with him. I told him that gifts are our friends' and families' way of being thoughtful and showing their love. No matter what they give you, it's the thoughtfulness that counts. Then, I reached for the nearest thing, which happened to be sack of potatoes, and put it in his lap. "What do you say?" I asked "Thank you!" he said with a smile...more like a laugh because "potatoes in your lap" is funny. It's ironic that the lessons we will take the time to teach our children like: saying "please & thank you", eating your veggies, making your bed, being kind, listening, that we forget to practice ourselves. Leading by example is the best way to teach. And I have learned some great lessons from some good friends.
Here is a snippet of the things that happy people do: {Thank you for these lessons}
When their tire goes flat they are thankful that they have a friend to call.
When they oversleep they are glad for that extra sleep.
When they've lost power for days & they finally return home, they're happy for snow that the kids can play in.
When they lose their job they are happy to have more time with their children.
When they are sick, they are glad to be forced to rest.
When they are broadsided on the way to Christmas dinner, they are thankful that no one was hurt.
Happy people cheer their friends instead of envying them.
Happy people turn a crappy event into a sarcastically funny post.
Happy people look for the silver lining.
Happy people remind their friends about their great achievements.
Happy people lift others up instead of putting them down.
Happy people love unconditionally.
Happy people are thankful.
We can become so caught up in the plan that we are following, that we often do not realize that our plan is not the actual plan. We can map out what we want for our future and set goals, which is all good & well, but it's also import to realize that life is what happens while you're making plans. Enjoy Life and practice being thankful for every sack of potatoes that comes you way. Don't pursue happiness - create it.
Just in case you want to stalk me...
Books I have read:
http://onethousandgifts.com/
http://www.eckharttolle.com/books/now/
http://www.eckharttolle.com/books/newearth/
The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz
Blogs I follow:
http://www.aholyexperience.com/
http://pearlsandfences.blogspot.com/
http://thankyougrace.blogspot.com/
Stories I follow:
http://www.facebook.com/belikebrit
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